A Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self

I was thinking about why I haven’t blogged for a while, and it hit me that I have lost confidence in my own ideas. I’m at that crossroads in my life (graduation, career and becoming a completely independent adult) where my future is completely uncertain. With this uncertainty comes a lack of conviction – it’s like you fear in what you believe in because the future might change your belief system entirely.

I realized that there was a time when I felt the same way. It was when I was 16, trying to choose what career I wanted to pursue, what colleges I would want to apply to along with the regular burdens of being a teenager in a school where peer pressure was very, very strong. That was my transition from a boy to a young adult.

I hope that once I write this letter, I’m going to be less worried about the future and I’ll hopefully start believing that whatever will happen, it’ll all be allright (inshaAllah).

 

Dear 16-year-old self,

Congratulations on coming this far. I know there was a time when you thought that you could never excel at anything and now look at you – at the top of your class. I know saying that things have been hard is an understatement, but look, God gave you this amazing opportunity to come to India and start fresh. And, even though you might feel like you don’t completely fit in, you have friends and you’re making your parents very proud. However, I understand that you’ve been anxious and you have absolutely no idea what the future holds. All I can say is this – you really don’t. What you’re imagining right now, flip that by 180 and that’s where you’ll end up.

My first advice to you would be to stop planning. Things will not turn out the way you set them out to be. You’re not becoming a computer engineer – and even though you told yourself to never touch biology again, you’re going to attempt to pursue medicine. You’re going to fail at it, miserably. And you say that “business is for people who can’t study anything else” – well guess what, that’s precisely what you’ll end up studying.

I know this is might be disappointing news, but this is exactly what the doctor ordered. Here are the good things. You’ll finally feel comfortable in your own skin, and believe it or not, you’ll become a people person. I know right now you feel like you hate almost everyone around you, but you’ll learn to find the best in everyone. And guess what – you’ll travel the world. You can probably not even imagine going to college outside Pakistan, but you’ll literally fly from one corner of the world to the other. You’ll become wiser. And even though you’ll no longer be known as the class genius, you’ll learn to be happy with your accomplishments. That’s right you’ll learn to be happy.

And about her. I know you’re crazy about her, but honestly you never stood a chance.  I know this is hard for you to hear – but trust me, this is not love. And I know you’ll be disappointed when she says no. But trust me, this is not heartbreak.

And with this, I’ll give you my last piece of advice. Never let all this worrying come in the way of your hard work. You’ll have regrets, but you’ll look back at your life and think about how lucky you are. The great things that you’ve planned for yourself won’t happen, but there are greater things about to happen – things you couldn’t have dreamt of. Buckle up.

Sincerely,

Present day self

P.S:  I just visited our old house in Germany.

P.S.S: Being the last person to be picked in P.E. class won’t matter anymore.

—-

What advice would you give your 16-year-old self?

Missing in Action

I know this blog appears to have died, but I promise I’ll get back to writing – primarily because I miss those friday mornings when I used to wake up early, get coffee and think of something amusing to write about. In the meanwhile, you can check out my study abroad blog at http://www.tauschienat.wordpress.com.

Geography of Bliss: Qatar

Cover via Amazon

“the entire nation of Qatar is like a good airport terminal: pleasantly air-conditioned, with lots of shopping, a wide selection of food, and people from all around the world.”

In an effort to keep myself somewhat intellectually stimulated, I read books now and then – that is between the breaks I take from learning fatalities on Mortal Kombat. The book i’m currently reading is “The Geography of Bliss” by Eric Weiner. It is intriguing to me not only because it deals with positive psychology but also because it is a travelogue – and its always interesting to learn about different ways of life. I’m planning to go on a trip completely on my own after I graduate in May and from what I’ve read about Bhutan in this book, I think that is where I want to go.

The book is divided into chapters, and it uses each country and its most well known quality to see if happiness is related to it. To my surprise, it includes Qatar and its wealth:

“…[a]nd if money can buy happiness, or at least rent it for a while, then surely Qatar, by some measures the wealthiest country in the world, must also be the happiest .. If you were to devise an experiment to study the relationship between sudden wealth and happiness, you would need to invent something like Qatar”

The author argues that, because of its new wealth or nouveau riche, Qatar craves validation. It uses extravagant amounts of money to be noticed in the world. The 2022 world cup bid and the barcelona sponsorship by QF proves it. Ofcourse there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I couldn’t agree more. However, there are some very unfair assessments of Qatar made in this chapter.

The first comes from the comment on EC:

“Students earn the same education and earn the same degree they would in the United states only without the frat parties or the theater groups or, for that matter, any fun at all.”

Note to Weiner – for someone who is traveling around the world discovering happiness (that you yourself claim is not the same as pleasure), I would’ve expected you to have an open mind. The author doesn’t visit EC or talk to any student in EC. His only source of information is an american staff member at an undisclosed branch campus in Education City.

He proceeds to discuss the purpose behind  western expats coming to Qatar:

“Places like Qatar attract people running away from something: a bad marriage, a criminal record, an inapporpaite email sent companywide and other sundry unhappiness.”

- there could be absolutely no other reason.

Now i’ve not been in touch with many western expats, but many of whom I have talked to are here to experience something different. Some of them want to be a part of something deeper than a 9 to 5 job. They take their work seriously. One of them reads my blog, and takes a genuine interest in what the students she supports are upto. Sweeping statements are never good, especially for someone trying to explore a different culture.

History and Happiness:

The quote at the top of this blog addresses this. This is perhaps one of the most eye-opening part of the chapter. It discusses the need for culture or heritage in order for us to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. Life is short, but we would like to believe that we are a piece of larger puzzle, that our presence matters and that we’ve made a difference. History and Culture provide us that. When we see cultural landmarks, we realized that the place we stand in matters, and that some day, we will matter too.

The author, after visiting an old museum with an extremely limited collection of art, agrees with his friend that Qatar has no culture at all. Firstly, I don’t think such a thing can ever be true. Culture can never ceases to exist. The way one walks, eats, interacts, gets angry, uses his/her body language are all indicators of culture. A friend of mine once said that “People watching” is her way of discovering a different culture. We therefore decided to sit at a cafe and watch people pass by. Culture  thus needn’t be in a form that is documented, and it can be felt through the lives of a place’s inhabitants.

I know it might seem that I hate the book. In fact, I found the book very enjoyable. There are parts of the Qatari society that it explores very well, particularly the importance of family and tribes – both the good and the bad sides. I recommend it to everyone. What bothered me was that this book is  a bestseller and the author should’ve written a bit more responsibly since the book will change the perceptions of many.

Perhaps we need to live in a place instead of visit it in order to gain a full understanding of what it offers. I remember my first few weeks in New Delhi were very unpleasant. But as time went on, I began to love the huge, lively city where there was a greater sense of freedom than i’ve ever experienced. First impressions are, well, just first impressions.

Citation added:

Weiner, Eric. The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World. New York: Twelve, 2008. Print.

An introvert in a very extroverted world

Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature. – Albert Einstein

INTP. Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving. That was the result of a Myers-Briggs Personality test that I took a few years ago, at a time when I felt like my life wasn’t going anywhere. I relied on a test that contained a bunch of “would you rather-”s to tell me who I am. I guess when we’re desperate to find answers we resort to almost anything, even our daily horoscopes to give us some direction.

The test didn’t do me much good. However, one part of the test caught my attention – the “I”. I received a 100 percent score in this area despite my recent, fairly successful, attempts to combat shyness. Again, the test suggested that I do some “back end” work where I limit my contact to people. I’ve heard this so many times that it makes me angry. I like people. I want to be a people’s person. A few years later, I came across a book called “Introversion Advantage.”

I’ve always thought that extroversion leads to happiness and success, especially for a young male venturing out to make a living. I’ve been taught this in Psychology too. This book suggested otherwise. The author argues that most psychologists who do such studies are often extroverts and end up using the wrong factors to measure such indicators. While most of the book was giving obvious facts, there were some eye-opening lessons in there.

Introverts get their energy from solitude. We need our downtime. When we spend a significant amount of time in social situations, we feel exhausted. This reminds me of a moment in Pittsburgh when I would go to my room to just lie down after coming back from a whole day of social interaction. A friend of mine thought I had a special someone to talk to on the phone, who I was hiding from everyone else. The truth is I just wanted to be alone.

Here are some other eye-openers:

• During the IDC at Harvard, I had interacted with so many people in such a small span of time that I could hardly breathe (i’m not exaggerating!). Furthermore, I could barely find a spot where I could be alone. The anxiety was building up until it was too much to handle. I decided to give myself a break – I walked out of the building towards my hotel. I went into my room, took 5 minutes to recharge, and was back to socialize again.
• Now I’m sure you’ve seen this. During University hours, I get so exhausted that social interaction becomes impossible. That is when my iPod comes in handy. I just pop in my headphones and exclude myself from the world. I was surprised to know that some people actually call me “the iPod guy.”

The fact is that we live in a time where extroversion is celebrated. “Go-getters” and outgoing people are considered smarter and more ambitious. Introverts have their advantage. We are intuitive people who make great listeners. We tend to be more perceptive and are able internalize our judgments. Just because we don’t talk as much or socialize as much as others does not mean that we are not engaged members of society .

Introverts make up 25% of the world’s population. However, many people who thought they were extroverts might be introverts or vice versa. Perhaps a lot of you can relate to what I’ve said above and realize that you might be an introvert as well. Think about what gives you your boost – you might be surprised.

Famous Introverts — Actors

Clint Eastwood, actor/director

Harrison Ford, actor

Tom Hanks, actor

Sir Alfred Hitchcock, film director

Jack Lemmon, late actor

Bill Macy, actor

Steve Martin, all around talented guy

Noah Wiley, actor

Other Famous Introverts

Johnny Carson, former Tonight Show host

Jane Clayson, host of CBS Morning Show

Matt Lauer, co-host on the Today Show

David Letterman, host of the David Letterman Show

Diane Sawyer, co-host of ABC’s Good Morning America

Barbara Walters, host of 20/20

source of famous introverts: http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/famous-introverts-introverted-personality-types-traits/

The things I didn’t expect to learn from College

In 2007, when I entered college, I thought college was all about deliverables. It really was a means for me to get a job and hopefully make good money. Not only did my endeavors change, I learnt so much about what I wanted from my life. I am not even sure if I’ll have a job after I graduate, but I won’t regret being here.

A few weeks ago, I attended the graduation of the class of 2011. I was a bit upset because I was supposed to be a part of the class had I not been so indecisive. In fact, I would’ve been in the class before that. But I’m glad to have gone through this rollercoaster ride at this point of my life rather than further down in my career. If college is about learning about yourself, I have certainly made the most of it.

Here are some of the lesson I learnt along the way. Of course I have a year to go, so there is a lot more I will hopefully learn.

Happiness is all in the head

I think I’ve repeated this a million times on my blog, and perhaps one of the reasons I made this blog. Happiness is not about what you do or what you have but how you think. Over my time in college, I have seen how some of the smartest, most resourceful people spend most of their complaining about their lives and their work. Others, who have less going for them in college still manage to stay happy.

When you’ve seen yourself building towards a career in medicine and see it falling apart, you feel like whatever made you happy just got decimated. But if you think your career is the only thing that can make you happy, you need to find out what life has to offer.

Religions and Cultures can coexist

The state of the world might suggest otherwise. However, when you’ve been welcomed so warmly in a church in Pittsburgh and Rwanda, and when you see cultures coexist in a multicultural campus, you know that there is still hope. When you’ve been a part of a melting point of diversity and see that society working, you begin to imagine why this can’t happen at the macro level. Read about my experience at Mt. Ararat in one of my former posts.

You can’t live your life window shopping.

Window shopping to me is like looking at everything but not committing to it. The american education system allows you to explore your options, but be sure to realize what you have to offer to others. In a place where there are talented people from all walks of life, people want to know what perspective you bring to the table. For me, it wasn’t anything to do with the numerous majors I pursued; it was global development. While at Harvard attending the International Development Conference, I realized that my passion alone was enough to make me participate with leaders in the field.

You can still hear me talk passionately about Rwanda or any other topic I have read or heard about. It makes me describe myself without really describing myself (how boring would that be?). We all need to find one thing we can interest the world with. And that can only be something we’re passionate about.

It is Ideas rather than Money that can make a difference

Since I’ve been a kid, my mother, with the best of intentions always told me that “If you make a lot of money, you will be able to give more back.” While at college, I have realized that it is not true. Considering the amount of donations and aid we give out, poverty would’ve long been eradicated. The world needs ideas. Ideas such as those that come out of the “Entrepreneurial Finance Lab” at the Harvard Center of International Development or from the MIT Media Labs (One Laptop Per Child?).

People need to be empowered, and charity does the opposite of that. The world is realizing this now.

Accept the ‘unfair’ facts of life and be fine with them

People complain about how people “pull strings” to get into college or get that awesome internship or job. That’s life; accept it. Pure meritocracy only exists in a utopian society. We live in a world where connections matter. Accept that and build upon them.

Being selfless can reap the highest gains

Last summer I read a book titled “Never eat alone” (very sad, I know!). The book gave me one of life’s most valuable lesson: if you don’t expect anything in return, you’ll build a connection that will last a lifetime. Give a helping hand to whomever you can, because somewhere down the line, you’ll need one too.

Everyone has a story

This is something that a friend of mine taught me and it is something I’ll always hold close to my heart. She said that there are no bad people in this world, just misunderstood ones. Take a moment and listen to their stories, and you’ll realize where the bitterness is coming from. I try not to take people at face value, although it does become a challenge sometimes. The trick is to have patience and listen.

During my recent candidacy for an internship spot, I was asked about how many finance courses I’ve done. Unfortunately, I had done zero. Not undermining the importance of vocational skills, the life skills I’ve learnt will be invaluable to me.

A year from now, I’ll be graduating. And I can say with confidence that I’ve learnt so much more than I expected.